What a week...

I am starting to realize one positive thing that sports brings to my life - an outlet for stress.  It seems ironic to me, because when my teams are involved in an important game, or they are about to lose a game they should have won, I am very stressed.  But sports are also therapeutic to me, and this time of year is the best example.

Right now, I am aware that the NCAA Men's Basketball tournament has started.  I hear rumours, but I don't really know who's in the field except for the top seeds, which NPR mentioned on Monday (guess Pitt held it together this year).  But the first week of the tourney was always a great time for me - I loved going to a sports bar on Thursday morning (skipping classes when I was a student) and just watching games.  I made friends, drank some beers, and ended up with a sore butt from 12+ hours of sitting at a bar, but my god it was nice to get away.   There was some peace in watching those games, rooting for upsets, and not truly caring too much about the outcome.  The stakes get higher in the later rounds, but the opening round was and is my favorite two days of the sports year.  They start tomorrow.

The other thing that happens this time of year is spring training in baseball.  I love baseball.  I love the strategy, I love being in a ballpark, I love the sounds and smells, I love passing time.  It is still our nation's favorite pastime, not our favorite sport, and I love it for being just that.  Going to the hall of fame reminds me of memories of being in the stands, dancing around between innings, enjoying a hot dog and a beer, and knowing that most of the time, one game doesn't make a season.  It's 3 hours away from life with your friends.  Yeah, I've been to some games where stupid fandom got in the way, but most of the time, it's zen - a place away from the world where you can ignore everything else going on.

I found myself missing these refuges this week.  It was a hard week, full of conflicts and putting out fires, late nights sending emails til 3 and 4 in the morning trying to understand and prevent flare ups, and the international tragedy of the Earthquake and Tsunami, which unfolded live during one of those late nights.  All of that took place in San Francisco, a different timezone, and while I'm still recovering from my surgery - which I can tell you took a physical toll.  The stress of last week has ripped up my stomach, my sleep patterns are all over the place, and I'm so exhausted.  I can't begin to describe how physically and emotionally exhausted I am.  It's not all about this past week - it's been happening for a few weeks now, but last week didn't help.  I almost fell asleep while teaching this morning, and I did fall asleep in my office between classes.  I came home and slept for 4 hours until dinner, which is the only reason I'm awake now (that and my stomach is full of acid again - stupid pain pills)

I miss my sports right now.  It is a physical absence in my life right now.

I am hoping that through this journey I can learn to extract the stress that comes from being a passionate fan of certain teams from the refuge that sports otherwise provides me.  I want to enjoy and not stress over games, and I need to learn that skill.  But I haven't yet.  And so March Madness comes, and I won't be watching.  I hope one of my teams doesn't win...