One Month without Sports

So, as promised, a reflection on the first month I can remember when I didn't follow any sports.

Overall, it's hard to describe how I feel about it.  I'm a little angry - I don't know how the Penguins or Nittany Lions are doing, if Pitt is holding up in the Big East, or even if the NFL has decided to have a season next year.  I know that in a few weeks time, March Madness will be starting, and I won't be streaming coverage for the first time in years.  I once dropped a college class to attend a tournament game, now, I won't be watching a single game.

I'm also sad, because I realize how unbalanced my life has become.  I can't tell you how many times I've sat down and started to punch in ESPN on the TV, only to stop a digit or two in to the effort and remember that the channel is blocked.  It was so much a part of everything - I graded while listening to sports, I wrote lectures while watching games, I would rest my brain by watching my favorite teams.

So life has changed.  But growth is slow.  I know if I started up again, I'd be back in my "enemy-hating" mode right away.  I still glower at Michigan and Ohio State flags and think mean thoughts about the people flying them.  I want that to change, but it's going to take time.  Still, there have been some small changes.  I am at least aware of how often I have disproportionate responses to other peoples' desire to wear their teams colors.  I bite my tongue much more often when I see someone with a Duke shirt or Yankees hat.  I am trying to remind myself that in the end, I have felt horrible being on the receiving end of that kind of vitriol, and I can be a better person than that.

I have found that it has been a very spiritual journey for me.  Perhaps it's because it's been coupled with my recovery from my spinal fusion surgery, but I don't think so.  You see, I think I've become so accustomed to using sports as my emotional security blanket that I have been out of touch with my own values.  Remembering those values, and realizing that my life is not in harmony with those values, is sobering.  I wonder how often athletes see that themselves.  I've wondered if that disconnect comes from having to treat the other competitors as enemies rather than merely competitors; treating games and matches as battles and wars; giving all of yourself to a single cause rather than living a life of balance.  I think it's what we've seen from players who have public embarassments or crimes - Tiger Woods, Ben Roethlisberger, Michael Vick.  I distinctly remember hearing Tiger talk about being out of balance.  If my one month journey is even a shadow of what he felt, then I would imagine his shame may have been at least about how he ever let himself get so out of touch with his values.  I wonder how many politicians who have made their careers about beating the other team are still in touch with their personal ethic.  How many businesspersons?  How many of any of us, when we contrive to make someone our enemy  in the name of motivating ourselves, lose touch with who we really are?   Us against the world is too much to endure alone.  "Us with the world" seems so much healthier, balanced, and less stressful.

So, as I enter month two, I know I have a long way to go.  I know I'm beginning to miss some of my favorite things as a sports fan.  I know I still feel hate well up at the sign of the "enemy".  But I know that there is something better out there for me.  A way of viewing sports as a fun diversion rather than a personal investment.  But more importantly, I know that I have learned from sports that creating a competition can be a great motivator for success, and I think I am coming to learn that it's unsustainable.   I'm curious about your thoughts and feelings about the idea.  Those are mine for now.

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